I have had enuff!!!

Thats it finally. I have taken enough shit from M. I am not going to put up with it anymore. I am totally disllusioned with her promises that never materalise. If she has no integrity and her word is worth nothing, why should I bother with my promises? I have been let down so many times. Time after time, keeps telling me that she knows how much I have put in, how much I have contributed and my reward will be ample. I have nver seen any of the reward coming, dont think it is ever going to come, and no longer believe that all the stuff that i do for them is appreciated. I am the lowest paid member of the group, making only half of what the research assistant gets, but yet I am the one that has to fix everythign when an MSc student's project goes wrong, when things dont work I have to figure out and get a solution, and even brought about all the positive changes and financial savings in the group. There is no job satisfication, there is no carrot, only stick and stones. If you achieve anyhing for anyone, you do not get a thank you pat on the back, they just turn around and ask you how come you dint get more?

You have other collaborators and they send their work to you and you ask me to process them. You were off in Montreal and no one else was here, you needed to send someone to a meeting in NCL to represent your group and I was sent, even though that was the week that I had to move and I was going to have exams 3 days after that. You promised me everything when you wanted me to do things for you. All that you have requested, all were delivered in time and to perfection. In return, when I get treated shabbily by external groups and individuals, I would at least have expected you to come to my support. Instead, you turend around and treated me shabbily as well. You even turned on me and siad that I had a choice and tried to make it look as if I was in the wrong. Why do you persist in treating me this way? All the nights when you felt lonely and needed a drink and dragged me along, getting totally drunk and creating a scene, dishing out abuses at everyone and even me, I was always there for you. How many times have you been so drunk that you collapse in a heap or cant even stand up to make your way to the tube station? How many times have I sent you home? Time after time you have let me down and I chose hard to overlook that. I should have listened to the rest of them. I should have never been there for you, but I always gave you the benefit of doubt, that you would treat me better next time. I really regret it totally. TOTALLY. Trying to drag me to the pub and insisting on buying alco-pop for me to drink does not make up for anything. Dont think buying me the occasional barcadi breezer makes up for it. To be honest, I totally hate drinking with you in the pub because I know how it would end up. I dont want you to buy me a drink. I dont even want to be there, and its not like I cant afford my own FUCKING drink. (excuse the language please) You blame me for not being around much for the past 2 weeks. How can I be when I had an exam? How can I be when you sent me up to newcastle? And when it is still all your fault, you turn around and blame it all on me? Why do you keep changing the research target and piorities. Why do you keep dissing the work of others? Why do you always think you can do better when you dont even know better in the first place? Why do you persist in questioning how the micribiologists do things when you were never trained as one in the first place? WHY DO YOU TAKE IT ALL OUT ON ME EVERYTIME YOU HAVE A BAD DAY AT HOME AND WITH THE POST-DOC?????? I have taken enough shit from you. Professionally and personally.I want to have nothing more to do with you. I do not want to be your friend, I do not want to go drinking with you, I do NOT want to have to send you home when you are collapsed in a corner totally drunk and absolutely clueless about where you are. I really want to be rid of you. I dont know how much longer I can take having you as my supervisor. I am sick and tired of how you make me wait for you to verify all my choices before you allow me to proceed, because I know that, as you have proven on countless previous occasions, you will just turn around at me later and accuse me of not getting things done when you are the one that is blocking the crutial steps. If you cant get a grip of your own life, thats your own problem. Stop your delusional dreams of making professor. You will never make it by constantly shooting your team in your foot. P and I were your last willing suckers. We have had enough of you as well. You made a big mistake turning against us. When we walk, and trust me, we wll, who will there be left to run your team? We are the only ones keeping the feam functioning. I have been trying so hard for the past 7 months to make this disfunctional research group into a dynamic and happy team. We nearly succeded, until you had to create a common public enemy out of the poor post doc. I know I am going to be the next in line, just because I am not willing to take this shit no more. You know you cant take it to the post doc no more, because there is just this far you can push an empty lie. Just remember, when you come at me, I may be just a little kid, I run your group and I know too much. Push me, and all the coverups that I had to make for you, when you get totally hammered and couldent turn up the next day for work, when you keep changing the stories and objectives, and how you try to set the others up, it will all come out. If that happens, dont blame me if you cant make Professor or even reader. Dont even think of blaming me if the institute decides not to renew your contract. I have to cover my ass after all should you try to destroy me. It just too bad that all these skeletons have to come out in my defence when you try to play punk on me. I no longer believe in you anymore. I have no confidence in you anymore, and you want to know whats the worst thing? YOU HAVE NEITHER HONOUR NOR INTEGERITY! Your word is worth NOTHING anymore to anyone. Good luck. I hope you enjoy the mess that you have created.


Okay guys, thats it i guess. I am just too pissed off to talk about work anymore. Havent been blogging since the exam ended simplty because I had no good news or positive karma to share and wanted to start with somthing positive. I dint want my blog to be non stop whinging about the shit I get in work.